Five ways to overcome salary negotiation anxiety

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Approach pay rise conversations with confidence with these tips

From March to April 2021, there has been a 219% increase in the number of people searching ‘how to ask for a pay rise?’– according to data from Google Trends.

As changes to the age eligibility for minimum wage were introduced at the beginning of April, and more people are returning to work in the office, there’s been a surge in people wanting a pay rise – but many are not sure how to go about it.

That said, there are steps you can take to not only increase your chances of getting one but to also reduce your anxiety around asking. We’ve compiled our five top tips for asking for a pay rise, and how to ensure the process is as smooth as possible.

Write down everything first

When it comes to a stressful moment, such as asking for a pay raise, you might get nervous when speaking and end up forgetting important points. Writing what you want to say down, either pen and paper or on a word document can help you to nail down what you’re thinking.

In the first instance, writing also gets all the emotion of what you want to say out and allows you to focus on the facts. The natural processing that happens when you write everything down will also help you to pull out your main points and create a cohesive argument.

If you don’t know where to start, try these questions:

  • What do I need to increase my quality of life?
  • How can I justify my rise?
  • What evidence do I have to back up my rise?
  • What’s the minimum salary I want to settle for?

Pick a range over a set figure

If you go into a salary negotiation with a single figure and don’t get everything you need, you may find yourself disgruntled with the end result.

Inform this range with averages for your industry, experience, education level, and location. LinkedIn has a great resource to help with this, which you can view here.

Be flexible in your negotiation

Instead of a salary increase, would you be willing to reduce your hours or another solution?

Increased holiday or adding in flexible working hours may also be something you would consider, instead of a direct pay increase.

However, if a pay increase is a must, have a minimum level of increase, either percentage-based or money-based, that you’re willing to accommodate.

Set a meeting in for the first thing

Rather than waiting an entire day to discuss with your line manager or further up, try getting a meeting in the morning, so you’re not sitting on the anxiety all day. You can also try getting one earlier in the week so as to not think about it all week as well as all day. The sooner you get it out of the way the better.

Whoever you end up speaking to, whether that’s a manager, HR, or similar, ask who else will be in the meeting. They may bring in a staff representative or an outsourced payroll provider, negotiator. This can also help to inform the information you need to bring in.

The day before the discussion, prep your food for the next day and give yourself the evening off to relax and soothe your brain. Whatever your favorite way to relax, make sure you allow yourself to switch off and fully ready yourself.

Practice makes perfect

Practice what you want to say. Whether you’ve prepared responses to expected questions, have a statement you want to read, or simply have a list of reasons that you think you want a pay rise, practically everything.

You can either do it to a mirror, a partner, family member, or friend. Get their feedback and use it to help you perfect what you’re going to say.
And finally, remember that the worst thing that can happen is they say no. You’re protected under workers’ rights and can’t be fired for asking a question.


 

 

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Strategies On How To Stop Aggressive Behavior In Toddlers

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Toddlers acting out of behavior is normal, after all, they are learning new skills but if the aggressive behavior in your toddler is causing troubles, then it is worrisome. In this article, we’ll explore what is aggression in children and what are some strategies on how to stop aggressive behavior in toddlers

 

Aggression In Children

The age between one and three is a challenging and exciting time for parents and children alike. Toddlers, at that age, become aware that there are other people and things around them other than their parents. This eagerness to explore the outside world can be tough on the parents.

While toddlers are excited, they have little to no self-control and are still learning skills like patience. With no self-control, a toddler may get angry and even frustrated when things are not going their way. In such situations, a child may get aggressive either with words or with their actions.

And yes, while this behavior is normal for a toddler, if not curbed could turn worrisome. Aggression in toddlers, if not controlled, could affect their ability to control anger in later years.

Cause of Aggression In Children

Aggression In Children

Aggression in children is not only because they lack self-control or patience. Sometimes, aggression in toddlers can be because of some underlying psychological or medical problems. Toddlers find it difficult to express their feelings healthily so they usually revert to actions such as biting, hitting, and screaming.

To a toddler, the world is a new and exciting place but everything is bigger than them. They crave independence but they don’t know how to express themselves. This frustration can mask aggression in toddlers.

Other causes of aggressive behavior in toddlers might include:

1. Mood disorders: Conditions such as bipolar disorder, mania, impulsiveness, etc can cause a toddler to act out.

2. Psychotic disorder: Conditions such as childhood schizophrenia or paranoia can also cause aggression.

3. Developmental disorders: Conditions such as autism or other intellectual or cognitive impairment can also cause the children to become aggressive.

4. Impulsive actions: ADHD or other impulsive behavior disorders may also increase aggression in children.

5. Trauma: If a toddler goes through a traumatic event such as an accident or a fall with no idea how to deal with such a situation can also cause them to act aggressively.

Signs Of Aggression In Toddlers

Signs Of Aggression In Toddlers

You need to keep an eye out for these signs of aggression in toddlers:

  • Your child is acting out of behavior such as breaking things or being intrusive.
  • Your child is hitting, shoving, or pushing other children or even you.
  • Your child is acting aggressively out of the blue or without reason.
  • Your child acts aggressively in pretend plays or activities.
  • Your child is unable to interact positively with others.
  • Your child’s schoolwork and learning are affected by them acting out of normal.

If your child is showing signs of aggressive behavior that is causing them troubles at school or home, please contact a child counselor to get a proper diagnosis to learn the cause of their behavior.

Dealing With Toddler Aggression

Dealing With Toddler Aggression

Aggressive behavior in children can seriously affect their ability to learn new skills and their overall development. Here are some strategies to help you understand how to stop aggressive behavior in toddlers:

1. React Immediately

Waiting for a good time to address your toddler’s actions is not going to have the same effect as reacting immediately will. A toddler’s attention span isn’t great and they may have forgotten about their behavior by the time you get to address it. Responding immediately in such situations is the best course of action.

2. Be Calm And Firm

At a young age, a toddler doesn’t understand punishment. They don’t understand that aggression is wrong. Remember, they are expressing their feelings as they seem fit. In such a situation, you need to stay calm, not get angry, or lose patience. Be firm in making your displeasure known but be calm as well when explaining to your toddler that their actions were wrong and unjust.

3. Acknowledge Their Feelings

Let your toddler know that you hear them and understand the reason for their aggression. Acknowledging your toddler’s feelings will go a long way to help them calm down. Instead of ignoring their actions, let them know that you hear them and that their feelings are valid but aggression to express them is wrong.

4. Praise Good Behavior

When your child behaves properly, without getting aggressive, praise them. Let them know that they did a good job without getting aggressive. This kind of motivation will make them act less aggressively in the future.

5. Understand Their Triggers

Many a time, a toddler will express their hunger or dissatisfaction with something via acting aggressively. Understanding what triggers your child’s aggressive behavior can help you learn what to avoid to curb their behavior.

6. Find Alternative Solution

Feelings, when bottled, can explode in the form of aggression. Find alternative ways to help your child release frustration and anger. For example; encourage them to participate in sports after school or teach them yoga to help release the stress.

7. Don’t Get Aggressive

A child learns what their parents do. Your toddler will imitate your actions – good and bad. Never show your aggression toward your toddler by hitting them. This will make them feel like hitting is not bad and that it’s okay to hit to make a point.

8. Keep Making An Effort

Just because your child is acting aggressively does not mean that they cannot learn empathy and compassion. With constant effort on your part, you can teach your child skills like compassion, empathy, and patience. Don’t stop making an effort and don’t give up.

Talk To A Professional

Talk To A Professional

Acting out of normal is somewhat normal in toddlers but if that turns into aggressive behavior, it can be harmful to their overall development and health. Addressing your toddler’s aggressive behavior is important.

A child counselor or psychologist can help you understand more about your child’s actions and what strategies or coping mechanisms you can teach your child to help them deal with aggression.

Dealing with aggressive behavior in toddlers can be challenging but with the right professional help, it can be possible. I hope this article helped you understand aggression in children and how to stop aggressive behavior in toddlers.

 

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Get What You Want; Activate Your Subconscious Mind

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how to reprogram Power of the Subconscious Mind

I often mention that our mind is a tricky tool. But, that’s not it! It is a powerful tool as well, that guides our life.

The power of your mind can be divided into two parts…

Conscious and Subconscious Mind

We all are aware of the conscious mind power as it is readily available to us and is used in almost all tasks of our lives (you are using it right now while reading this blog).

The subconscious mind is the second portion of our brain, which exists and colors the picture of our lives but we are barely aware of its power.

To simplify, think of an office setting. Here our brain is the head office that regulates our behavior, cognitions, and emotions. For the functioning of this head office, our conscious mind works on the front end (interacting with the physical world) while the subconscious mind works at the back end.

This analogy makes one thing clear that it is not an “either-or” situation, conscious and subconscious mind power are equally important. Secondly, while we might have day-to-day interactions with the front end (conscious mind) we rarely interact with the back end (subconscious mind). But sometimes we really need to communicate with our subconscious mind to understand ourselves completely.

What is the Subconscious Mind

What is the Subconscious Mind?

Our subconscious is a powerful tool that has a big impact on our life. It is a storehouse of our beliefs, fears, memories, skills, and previous experiences which reflect in our current life. By unwinding the power of your subconscious mind you can achieve amazing results and long-term effects on your health, relationships, happiness, growth, mental health, physical health, and so much more.

Many experts claim that you can achieve whatever you are after in your life by communicating and activating your subconscious mind the right way.

How to Communicate with Your Subconscious Mind?

Different theorists suggest different ways to communicate with the power of the subconscious mind. While some quote dreams to be the royal road to the subconscious (Freud) others support our historical roots to be linked with the power of our subconscious mind (Jung).

The most recent idea of subconscious power believes that what we think about, talk about, and feel insanely about, is how we communicate with our subconscious mind (law of attraction).

The best ways to communicate with your subconscious mind are:

1. Practice Faith and Love

Faith and love are some of the most powerful and positive emotions. You can easily enter the subconscious mind by practicing these positive emotions. Murphy suggests that we heal only through only one principle.

This universal healing process is known as Faith! Unlike hope, faith ensures that an outcome is likely to follow. So having faith in yourself is important here.

Faith-Love-Hope

2. Avoid Negative Self-Talk

If your thoughts are loaded with negative emotions then you might just start working on them first. It is suggested that we should stop negative self-talk and get rid of the negative emotions to explore the power of our subconscious mind. Have you heard of the guardian angel story?

Whatever you tell yourself, your guardian angel listens to it and makes sure that the universe listens and makes it happen. So, when you say, I look ugly it sends it to the universe and you end up feeling more of it.

This angel is your subconscious mind, so to communicate with it on a deeper level, switching from negative to positive self-talk is important.

Avoid negative self-talk

3. Nap to Track it Down

Sometimes all you need is a break and there is no better break than taking a nap. As mentioned above dreams are considered as the royal road to our subconscious mind. It does hold true! When you nap and dreams flow in, you communicate with your subconscious mind.

The reason why this happens is even when we sleep our subconscious mind doesn’t, in fact, it is way more active. Therefore, napping works effectively to find solutions and answers, with the subconscious mind super active.

Ask YourSelf Questions
Image Source: journal smarter

PS: This doesn’t imply you have to keep sleeping! Power naps are what we suggest you do here.

4. Ask yourself questions

Think of your subconscious mind as a mystery door that opens through a magic trick! This magic trick is asking questions. To search and connect with your subconscious mind it is important to ask quality questions as it will set it in action mode.

By quality, we mean asking questions with a positive note (remember guardian angels are listening to it all). So instead of asking How can I get rid of negative thinking, ask yourself How can I embrace positive thinking.

Now, let the communication begin…

How to Activate Subconscious Mind:

Think of your subconscious mind as a birdcage that has a lot to tell about you and you want to free that bird. Is it possible? Well, yes you can unleash the power of your subconscious mind and explore what it has to offer.

But, it is not an overnight task, for this, you have to be consistent and true to yourself to get the best of the results. So, let us see how you can activate your subconscious mind…

1. Mantra Technique

Remember the guiding angel we talked about? Well, it is about time to tell her what exactly you want and activate your subconscious mind. Mantra technique is found to be a powerful tool and its implication is pretty easy.

Think of any positive mantra in your mind now repeat it in your mind (or preferably aloud). The key here is that you are convincing your mind that you are strong, happy, and healthy. But, make sure you have full faith in the words or phrases that you repeat.

Mantra Technique

2. Read It Out Loud

Another key to unlock and activate the power of your subconscious mind is to be persistent. Read it out loud can help you here. Take a piece of paper and write your goal on it (make sure you write it in the present form).

3. Visualization

Start making visualization a part of your life to activate the power of your subconscious mind. Visualization will not only make you achieve your goals but will also give you a clearer vision in life. There are two ways you can use visualization to activate your subconscious.

The first way is by involving your senses. Note, and visualize smell, sounds, textures, and colors.

The next method is to visualize your desires being fulfilled. Close your eyes, imagine you have achieved your goal, and further imagine what you are wearing, what are your feelings and actions. This way you will imprint positive and optimistic thinking into your life.

5. Work on your Pre-Sleep question

Naps and questions both help us communicate with our subconscious mind. By clubbing these two means of communication together you can activate the power of your subconscious mind.

Research supports that during sleep old synaptic connections are cleaned up and new connections are formed. You can actually control these connections and work with your subconscious mind. All you have to do is write questions down before you sleep, this activates your subconscious mind.

This way your subconscious mind will work on the solution overnight (forming new connections and you will be on track for the entire day.

6. Meditate

The technique of meditation not only activates but also boosts the power of your subconscious mind. Though there are different forms and ways to meditate you may start with the basics.

The easy way to do it is to find a quiet and comfortable place. Just sit, relax, and follow your breathing. Focus on your breath as you inhale and exhale. It will help you be in the present moment, calm the 5 brain waves, and activates your subconscious thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

7. Write it down (Freely)

Penning down is a powerful tool to discover the power of your subconscious. When you write freely you acknowledge and overcome all the barriers, roadblocks, and obstacles that might be holding to use the power of the subconscious mind.

As you write, you will be able to have a calmer and clearer mind. Along with clearing your mind and way to connect with your subconscious mind, jotting down will help you trust yourself better (faith development) and amplify your power to achieve your life goals.

Write it down

My Favorite Technique: Being Your Own Best Friend

Think of your closest friend. Now imagine that they are going through the same life phase or problem that you are. Now talk to them over it, make them feel comfortable and better. Pay close attention to your words that are comforting your friend (you may even record it or pen it down).

This is exactly what your subconscious mind wants to hear. It is a great way to communicate as well as activate your subconscious mind. You might not be readily able to accept it but you do need it!

 

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Conquering mental illness with art

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  • Artist Lynda Cutrell describes the portrait of former NH Supreme Court Justice John Broderick and his family. Scott Merrill photos / NH Bar

  • Portraits, including that of actress Glenn Close, hang on display.

  • Artist Lynda Cutrell discusses the portraits. Scott Merrill—NH Bar News

  • A portrait of Kitty and Michael Dukakis.

NH Bar News

Published: 5/27/2021 7:17:50 PM

Lynda Michaud Cutrell’s passion as an artist came to life shortly after a family member was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2008. Thirteen years later, Cutrell’s creations are sparking conversations and raising questions about mental health in the United States.

“The Many Faces of Our Mental Health” exhibit opened at the YMCA in Concord on May 25. The installation features 99 portraits — 33 of individuals on the bipolar disorder spectrum, 33 on the schizophrenia spectrum and 33 who are loved ones of them, as well as sculptures and paintings depicting the genetic structure of our emotional lives.

Cutrell says she envisioned the portraits, which feature celebrities such as Glenn Close, politicians, and a number of everyday people from around the country, as a journalistic project.

“I thought of the project as journalistic but wanted to use images to get the message across,” she says. “I found that I could reach beyond the chorus with art.”

While mental health statistics are important to demonstrate the severity of the problem, Cutrell says she believes the media often over reports the “devastating effects” of mental illness, forgetting most of those suffering lead fulfilling and successful lives.

Through her work she wants people to understand that symptoms do not define the person. And it is for this reason, she says, that no one in the portraits are named.

Along with the portraits displayed throughout the lobby and hallways of the Concord YMCA, two sculptures depict the mental health spectrum, and six paintings translate U.S. census data and scientific research on mental illnesses.

While interviewing subjects for the portraits, Cutrell says she was interested in hearing their recovery stories, and during the process, she discovered four themes.

“One, people had someone in their life who continued to love them; Two, they received some type of therapy and treatment; Three, they had a practice, such as meditation, listening to music or podcasts they enjoy; and Four, they had a sense of purpose in life.”

The exhibit in Concord includes a portrait of former New Hampshire Supreme Court Justice and current Senior Director of Public Affairs for Dartmouth College’s REACT program, John Broderick, with his son Christian, and his wife.

In 2002, Broderick was severely beaten in a middle-of-the-night attack by Christian that required facial reconstructive surgery.

Over the nearly twenty years that have passed since the attack, Broderick has dedicated many hours of his time to advocating on behalf of those suffering from mental illnesses.

It was at a speaking event at Salem State in Massachusetts, where the exhibit was being displayed several years ago, that Broderick first met Cutrell.

“When I went home after the event, I spoke to the people at Dartmouth Hitchcock and the exhibit eventually went up there. At some point she asked if she could take a photo,” Broderick says. “The people in these photos are the people you work with. They’re your neighbors, they’re everyday people and they don’t look frightening. That’s what’s so powerful about them. Mental illness doesn’t choose favorites.”

Broderick emphasized that most people with mental illnesses are out in the community, teaching, working, living their lives, but that the stigma of mental illness remains.

“When we read about school shootings the first day the shooter is evil. Days two and three the story reveals he had mental health problems for years,” he says. “This plays into idea that people with mental health issues are going to shoot up a school. It plays into our worst fears as stereotypes.”

Broderick expressed pride in his family for stepping up to do the portrait for the exhibit, and he says his son is dramatically better today. But the experience 20 years ago was a catalyst that shifted his thinking about mental illness from being an isolated taboo to a condition that affects nearly everyone.

And the work of educating and advocating continues, he says, citing a recent conversation with a Professor at Emory University where he spoke in March of this year.

“I said, ‘Doc, the question I’d love to ask is, how would you rate the mental health system on a scale of one to ten, with one not good, and ten fabulous,’ ” he says. “Sadly, he said to me, ‘I can’t answer that because we don’t have a mental health system.’ What he meant was that we have a patchwork. On the Seacoast for instance, ok, there’s money, and people have more access. Can you imagine saying that about breast cancer? It’s immoral.”

Dellie Champagne, Chair of the Disability Rights Center — NH’s PAIMI (Protection and Advocacy for Individuals with Mental Illness) Advisory Council, says she is thrilled the exhibit was brought to Concord.

“Lynda’s work has a hopeful message — those living with mental illness who receive proper treatment can lead productive lives,” she says.

Cutrell’s choice to go to art school at age 50 after a career in investment and her desire to create a deeper understanding about mental health comes at a time when interest in mental health is popular.

But it continues to be misunderstood by many, she says.

“My hope is that this exhibit leads to a deeper understanding of how we all experience our own mental health. And that recovery is attainable,” she says.

The exhibit, formerly on display at the Museum of Science in Boston, is sponsored by NE Delta Dental. Additional sponsors are the Concord YMCA, Disability Rights Center – NH: PAIMI Advisory Council, New Futures, and NH Community Behavioral Health Association. It is on display at the Concord YMCA, 15 N. State St., through June 14.

These articles are being shared by partners in The Granite State News Collaborative. For more information, visit collaborativenh.org.


 

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Woodbury woman with history of mental illness charged with attack that left daughter, 5, critically hurt and son, 6, injured – Minneapolis Star Tribune

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A Woodbury woman with a long history of mental illness was charged Thursday with attempted murder and assault in connection with her attack on her 6-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter during a late-night tirade in the street outside their home.

Sadiyo I. Mohamed, 32, was arrested early Wednesday at the scene and charged in Washington County District Court with second-degree attempted murder and first- and second-degree assault.

Mohamed appeared in court and remains jailed without bail. Court records do not list an attorney for her.

These latest allegations come less than six months after she was charged in Ramsey County with assaulting her parents in their St. Paul home one night in December. The felony case accuses Mohamed of hitting her mother with a pot and other items and choking her father with a heating pad cord, causing him to go in and out of consciousness.

Mohamed was jailed in that case, then released two days later without having to post bail.

Court records show that Mohamed has been struggling with mental illness since at least 2013, when she was civilly committed for a year in order to receive treatment.

She was similarly committed in 2016, 2017 and 2018. She was last discharged in September 2018.

Adrianne McMahon, Mohamed’s attorney in the Ramsey County case, said civil commitments “usually terminate when [patients] do what they’re supposed to do and they’re stable. It would be nice if there was a better system.”

McMahon said Mohamed has “recognized that she wanted [mental health] services. … Was there noncompliance on her part? No. Unfortunately, there is a delay in getting those things. That’s the reality of the mental health systems. It usually take months before we can get them in some program. There are a lot of hoops to jump through.”

Mohamed told police Wednesday that she has bipolar disorder and has been off her medications for a couple of months, according to the charges.

She said she has been “paranoid and hallucinating for the last couple of days,” the complaint read.

She went on to say that she believed her children were playing games with her, and “she said she wasn’t sure if her kids were the devil or a demon, which made her question if she should hurt them or not,” the charges continued.

The boy told a detective that his mother kicked him out of the house and he didn’t know why she was mad. He said he saw his mother hit his sister many times when they were outside as the girl said “sorry mommy,” the complaint quoted the girl as saying. He said the woman used a gray cylinder about 12 inches long to hit him and his sister, something she had done previously.

According to the complaint:

Police responded about 12:45 a.m. to numerous 911 calls from the 400 block of Lake View Alcove and saw Mohamed chasing her screaming son down the street.

When officers caught up to her “she appeared to be staring off into the distance and saying an unknown Somali phrase repeatedly,” the complaint read.

Bystanders were yelling about a “dead baby” in the street and officers found the daughter face-up in the street. The 5-year-old was bleeding from a wound on her head and was unresponsive, according to the charges.

Emergency medical personnel took the children to Regions Hospital. The girl was in critical condition as of Thursday morning with a fractured skull and other serious injuries.

The boy had a possible broken arm and a large bump just above his right eye. A 3-year-old sister was in the home at the time and unharmed. She was turned over temporarily to county child protection officials.

Officers searched the area and found an item resembling a long, skinny piece of wood on the sidewalk outside the family’s home with blood next to it.

Paul Walsh • 612-673-4482

Continue ReadingWoodbury woman with history of mental illness charged with attack that left daughter, 5, critically hurt and son, 6, injured – Minneapolis Star Tribune