Why do we need to get rid of our toxic ties? Because it might be stopping us from becoming our best version. What are toxic ties? Why do they hold us back?
Toxic ties could be in the form of a behavior pattern, a limiting belief, a person, or anything that doesn’t spark any joy in our life. We don’t like it but still stay with it, entertain it. But somewhere down the lane, we know how it bothers us and kills the everyday joy of our living, isn’t it?
Self-discovery exercise for Day 13- Toxic Ties
Do you feel you have a toxic behavior pattern, which you access often, knowingly or unknowingly? A peculiar act you do every time and get the same pathetic result, but you still continue doing it and then curse yourself?
Or do you stick to a person, who doesn’t appreciate you or brings you down, but just to please them and not upset them, you stay?
What do you think you will lose if you cut loose these toxic ties? You will only help yourself to live a little more productive and joyful life. I had a lot of limiting beliefs, fears, and a few people, who kept demeaning me and putting me in a place where I no longer felt like myself.
It is like, we give the key to our happiness and joys to them, they use it s per their convenience and then we complain. We complain about their behavior, their attitude, we want them to change, whereas it’s us who needs to change. We need to have a self-check-in every now and then and filter out all the unwanted things in our life.
We expend a lot of time and energy thinking about how others should behave, how we’d like them to behave, and attempting to change their behavior. But changing others is beyond our control, we can only work on ourselves and improve our present situation by identifying what works and what doesn’t work for us.
Hard to begin? Yes, hard to follow, No, you just have to make a conscious effort.
See you tomorrow.
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Priyanka Nair is the author of 26 Days 26 Ways for a Happier you and Ardhaviram. An NLP practitioner and Founder of Sanity Daily, helping you prioritize your mental health. Let’s build a happy community.
During the pandemic, some have found it difficult to access remote mental health support, with one in four saying it’s made them feel worse
When Covid hit, everything changed. For a lot of us, this included our mental health. Whether you were already undergoing treatment or found you needed it during the pandemic, the usual face-to-face or group sessions offered by the NHS had to stop.
Thankfully, alternative routes were found in the form of remote counselling, typically offered through video calls. For many, this was a welcome and much needed option. But it wasn’t suitable for everyone.
Surveying almost 2,000 people, mental health charity Mind found that 35% of people who received remote support from the NHS found it difficult to use, with 23% saying it actually made their mental health worse.
Other findings included:
63% would have preferred face-to-face support.
10% experienced technological issues ‘often’ or ‘always’.
34% were worried about confidentiality ‘often’ or ‘always’.
At a glance, this looks quite worrying, but Mind say respondents did note some positives. 69% appreciated not having to travel to appointments, 47% were pleased to have more flexibility when it came to appointment times and 40% highlighted that waiting times were shorter.
In their report, Trying to Connect, Mind are using these insights to call on the Government to ensure those in need of mental health support are offered a choice when it comes to their treatments.
In response to the findings, Geoff Heyes, Head of Health Policy and Influencing at Mind said there has been an increase in demand for the charity’s services during the pandemic. Describing remote mental health services as a ‘lifeline for many’, Geoff praises the NHS for what they’ve been able to do but notes the worrying statistics found in their survey.
“At the very least, people should expect their mental health to stay the same, if not improve.
“As restrictions continue to ease, and we begin to deal with the long-term impacts of the pandemic – bereavement, grief, redundancy, and insecure employment, it’s really important everyone is offered a range of options – including face-to-face treatment – so that they can pick the most convenient and appropriate option. Online therapy cannot be seen as an easy answer to fixing growing pressures on overstretched mental health services. There is no cheap fix.”
If you’re currently receiving online counselling but are finding it difficult, be sure to feed this back to your counsellor and ask if face-to-face counselling will be possible once restrictions ease. For some, the idea of being on video is difficult, so remember you can ask to have the video off or to have telephone counselling instead. You could also enquire about email counselling if this would feel better suited to you, this will depend on what your counsellor can offer.
Here, we’ve rounded up some helpful articles to get the most out of remote counselling:
“I was so baffled and confused when someone I liked so much blocked me from every social media platform and even over-call. I just couldn’t understand why he did so. There, I was dreaming of my future with him and here, he did not even find it necessary to tell me that he can’t go ahead. He ghosted me. Now how do I cope up alone as my heart is sinking?”
Being ghosted is heartbreaking as someone whom you are either dating or have a deep friendship with cuts off all ties with you without even informing. It can happen at the beginning of a relationship or in the middle. You tasted something so good but it was taken away from you cruelly.
If you are being ghosted then let me remind you that you were not at your fault. You were just being yourself but the person you were dating was so emotionally immature that they couldn’t be honest with you. This is it.
However, you still must be thinking why were you ghosted and how to cope up with the bothering pain? People usually ghost because:
They don’t want to face an uncomfortable situation of breaking up.
Their own inability to communicate.
They don’t need to give justification to exit the relationship.
However, ghosting becomes painful as the mind jumbles from one possibility to another and induces emotions like sadness, anger, confusion, and loneliness. Besides uncomfortable feelings and embarrassment, depression and grief may also show up. This is why it is advised to learn how to deal with being ghosted strongly and come out as a stronger person.
How To Handle Being Ghosted?
Here are some tips to handle hurtful feelings which helped me when I found that the person who ghosted me was also blatantly lying about his profession, house, and even his real name. Gosh, it was bad but I got through it. How? Read below!
1. Acknowledge That This Hurts
Take a deep breath and sit peacefully somewhere. The high hopes of this relationship might haven’t grown in the way you thought and the feeling of being ghosted hurts. It is important to let that sink in! Acknowledge that you would feel hurt but you are stronger than the person who ghosted you and this phase will get over soon.
2. Get Rid Of Self-Blame
This again is one aspect that comes to mind, we blame ourselves. So many questions, regret, embarrassment, and shame comes into the picture and you feel everything that you did went in vain. But understand, if there is no explanation to find the cause of happenings then it doesn’t mean you start blaming yourself.
If you are thinking that it all happened because of your actions, talks or activities then kindly, stop doing so! Take a break and regroup yourself. You cannot blame yourself for something that you loved doing and moreover, you can’t blame yourself for something that you didn’t even do! At least, you never ghosted.
3. Heal Your Mind & Body
Many studies have shown that if you do the basic things in a mindful state like eating well, sleeping properly, exercising thrice a week, etc. then it helps in managing your stress and mental pain. Indulging in yoga practice, meditationand mindfulness have the capacity to lower the stress hormones and ultimately emotional pain.
4. Build Resilience
If you are knocked down emotionally then even experts suggest you practice self-care activities and build resilience within yourself. Resilience is that particular trait that doesn’t let a person fall back due to failure in any circumstance and overtake it all with your personal strength. It could be built to cope with the pain of being ghosted by
5. Let It Go! It Was Never Meant For You.
You will feel better as and when time moves on. But it is only possible only when you are ready for it and give yourself permission to take care of yourself. It is your life and you have to move ahead for a better future.
Rather invest in yourself, new activities, and hobbies that are actually helpful for your own well-being. Accept the instances that have already happened and let it go like the strongest person.
Wrap-Up
I understand what is being ghosted and how it feels like I was there once but leaving it over the passage of time was very helpful. Apart from this, all the above points helped me to cope with the pain of being ghosted.
Though it takes place each May, Mental Health Awareness Month may be more visible, and more importantly, this year than ever before.
The Covid-19 pandemic has made it difficult for those struggling to reach out for in-person help, and social isolation has exacerbated feelings of loneliness. In response, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (known as NAMI) has created a month-long campaign for May called “You Are Not Alone,” during which the organization will be sharing inspirational videos, educational resources and ways you can reach out for help on its website.
On a local level, NAMI’s Sarasota and Manatee Counties chapter is holding special webinars and group meetings for the entire month of May, during which the organization will share tips on staying healthy.
Taylor Walker.
“Our webinars will discuss topics like demystifying psychiatric hospital stays, The Baker Act, and how family and friends can support loved ones with mental health conditions,” says local NAMI program coordinator Taylor Walker.
The organization is holding an event on Friday, May 28, at a Bradenton Marauders baseball game. Volunteers will be handing out resources and running a booth in partnership with Suncoast Behavioral Health Center.
The organization has also created a blog called #NotAloneSuncoast, where members of the community can share stories about mental illness and recovery. The goal is to inspire others to reach out for help. One of the stories features local NAMI board member and volunteer Gene McIntyre, who also runs several support groups for the organization.
Gene McIntyre.
“I am a program facilitator for family groups, where individuals that love or support someone with mental illness can learn to navigate the condition and challenges associated with it,” says McIntyre. “We discuss ways to cope with illness, how to have conversations with those struggling and sharing stories to make people feel less alone.”
While people from around the world can join the chapter’s groups via Zoom, those struggling with isolation can feel stuck at home. This is why the organization has begun hybrid groups and in-person groups to reinforce connection and reduce what Walker calls “Zoom fatigue.”
One of the ways the groups combat this is by teaching members “change management”—learning to work with the ways the world is constantly changing, rather than “torturing yourself with it,” as McIntyre says.
“We help members develop a toolkit of skills to cope in healthy ways,” says McIntyre. “Rather than resisting what Covid is doing in our lives, we learn to embrace it and find creative ways to overcome obstacles and find the silver lining. Even if that silver lining is getting to connect with others and receiving free support while wearing pajamas in the house.”
For those who are afraid to seek help, there are a variety of options. McIntyre suggests calling 211, United Way Suncoast’s hotline, which provides referrals to free or discounted mental health services. NAMI also has a phone line and an email line for people needing assistance getting professional help.
For those with insurance, telehealth counseling has been a great resource for one-on-one care. You can also join one of the various groups at NAMI, including a young adults group for ages 18-30, a POWER (Parents Offering Wisdom, Education, and Resources) group for parents who are caring for a child with mental illness, and a suicide support group for those who have lost loved ones.
“One young man came to our suicide support group right as we reopened in-person,” says McIntyre. “He explained that his mother just attempted suicide, and he was afraid for her and his little brother, who also struggled with depression. He felt resentment and guilt and just wanted to vent. We helped him learn to have a productive conversation with his mother, and in the next session via Zoom, his mother attended and they were able to make amends with our facilitation.”
According to McIntyre, one of the ways you can stay mentally healthy during the pandemic is finding a community where you can feel supported, and also support others.
“With mental illness and recovery, you are forced to look inward a lot, but the more you look inward, the more isolated you can become,” says McIntyre. “NAMI gives you the opportunity to look outward. There is healing in supporting others.”
Award-winning journalist, competitive amateur powerlifter and author Poorna Bell joins Happiful’s podcast to talk about embracing gratitude and growing stronger through change
Poorna Bell’s new book Stronger: Changing Everything I Thought I Knew About Women’s Strength has a vibrant energy about it, even at first sight. With a vivid yellow lightning bolt emblazoned on the front, it screams power, purpose and ‘pick me up, read me, and then take action!’
Drawing upon her own life experiences, and particularly her recent practice of becoming a powerlifter (she can lift twice her own body weight), Poorna explores strength and fitness as well as the impact of society’s expectations on women and girls, and how we move our bodies.
“Prior to taking up powerlifting I’d been weight training, but it was powerlifting that changed my life and every single aspect of it,” Poorna explains. “I took it up when I was 38 and it occurred to me how different things could’ve been had I been taught about physicality and strength when I was younger.”
“But Stronger isn’t just about my story. There is a commonality of experience, particularly amongst girls, and how they have a terrible time of it in PE,” Poorna continues. “It’s also looks at that drop off in physical activity when we’re teenagers and how that has such strong links to our why our sense of self-esteem and confidence falls away.”
Poorna shares that at this point in her life, having written Stronger and now embarking upon a work of fiction due out in 2022, she is feeling a strong sense of positivity and gratitude. She’s also relieved to be feeling well once again, after recovering from long Covid in January this year.
Throughout the episode, she explores her experience of having anxiety but not being an anxious person and her desire to be a constant work in progress. Poorna also reflects upon moving forward after tough times and changing as a person, as a result of hard life experiences.
“We go through so many different changes in the course of our lifetime,” she explains. “If there was more support and care when we go through big changes, rather than expecting each person to go back to how they were before, for life to go ‘back to normal, if we could just embrace what comes through with that change – good and bad – life would be easier.”
